I should be in bed...

Do you ever wake up one day and realise that all your nightmares have become your realities? And if they haven't all already sunk in as such, they're very soon to leave their venom without any notice of the fang-marked bite. The sickeningly thick chill that surges through your veins takes over and soon your body and mind succumb to reality paralysis.
Upon the intense pondering of my life and the harshness it has brought upon me the last couple months, I regretfully say that my nightmares are swiftly becoming my realities and day to day life is a vast growing bewilderment and a burden. In these hours that I should be in bed gaining all the physical strength I need to get me through, I am finding out more and more about myself and how urgently I need to find a soothing mechanism to calm my hyperbarric grief.
It seems that sometimes the only relief even if temporary is to jot things down and lay them out in plain view in hopes that this tangled woven web will be turned into a big beautiful tapestry of purpose and understanding.
It is not my intention for you to understand me nor my words, as they will often be irresponsibly confusing. I do, however, intend for you to unconditionally hear my plea for a better life, better love, better peace. My thoughts and words aren't matching up any longer and are refusing to coalesce, as my energy for the day is long spent. So goodnight, dear readers.
Pleasant dreams.